Nicaraguans pride themselves on strong family ties. In practice this means that children do not usually leave home at a relatively young age. Even when children marry, it often happens that the couple will live with the parents of either the bride or the groom.
In the best case scenario, the newly married couple may build a hut in the garden to have a bit of a private space. Parents often continue to play an influential role in the lives of their children, including the older ones. If a child has to live away from the parental home for work or study, this is often regarded as a necessary evil. Against this background it is all the more remarkable to experience what kind of ties the core members of our community have with their fathers, mothers and brothers and sisters.
Loyda and Daniel
They were the first core members, together with my son Jonathan, five years ago. They came our way after their mother asked us to help with the care of her two intellectually disabled children. The mother herself was looked after in the house of one of her other children, and had outsourced the care for Loyda and Daniel to a grandchild who was not up to the task. Loyda and Daniel moved in and at first the mother came to visit at least twice a month and also faithfully contributed whatever she could to the upkeep of her children in our home, often in kind: rice, beans, diapers, etc. We trust that every family will give whatever they can afford, without making demands as to the amount received. Occasionally the mother was accompanied by another daughter or by one of her grand-children. But the frequency of her visits decreased as her health deteriorated, although she faithfully kept sending her contribution. The mother passed away in May. The family did not inform us; we heard it in the grapevine. We sent our condolences expecting to be invited for the funeral, but we were not. A month later, Daniel and Loyda’s sister came to let them and us know that she would like Daniel and Loyda to continue living in our community home, and that she would take responsibility for them on behalf of the family. She signed the necessary papers, (the same as the ones which were signed by the mother years ago), stating that the family remains responsible for those who live with us and must make their contribution. We have hardly seen or spoken to her ever since….…
Miguel
Miguel came to us because his mother was over 80 years old and could no longer take care of him. Although she had more children, none of them wanted to take Miguel into their home and to take care of him. Miguel’s brother-in-law became our contact person. The mother faithfully sends her monthly contribution via her neighbour. She always includes a letter in which you feel her commitment to Miguel. Once in a while she phones, but, as she is quite deaf, those conversations are difficult. She rarely visits Miguel, although she has other children who own a car. And because she has painful joints, it is hard for her to come by taxi.
Manuel and Maria Elena
Manuel and Maria Elena are both relatively bright and therefore more acutely aware that their father does not contact them much. (Their mother passed away several years ago). Especially Manuel is aware that the father leaves long communication gaps of sometimes six months. He regularly asks if his father has called, and is disappointed if the answer is ‘No’. The father lives very far away, but only one visit per year is poor. His contribution to the expenses of running the community house is also minimal. Fortunately, an aunt of Manuel and Maria Elena lives fairly close by and makes up for her brother to some extent. She sometimes visits them, which they enjoy.
Jonathan
Jonathan and his sister Daniella have a good relationship. Because of the distance, (Daniella lives in Ecuador), they do not see each other often, but Daniella is compassionate and involved in Jonathan’s life. She knows of course she will be Jonathan’s main care taker when I won’t be able to be that any longer. The three of us meet for a holiday once a year, either in Ecuador, or like this year in Nicaragua, which is good for all three of us.
Home community
‘Our community is a somewhat strange family’ is what I often say if asked to explain what our community house is like and what our goal is. It is hard to understand why the real families of our core members do not play a more active role in the lives of their brothers and sisters. We can only assume that something must have gone wrong in childhood. There are very few homes for people with disabilities in Nicaragua, and we have learned from our experience that the need for homes like ours is high. We thank you for your support of our work. Because of you we are abler to make a big difference in the lives of Daniel, Loyda, Miguel, Manuel, Maria Elena and Jonathan.